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I make a character read an Inuyasha Fanfic Part 10

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I make a character read an Inuyasha Fanfic Part 10




So, two more chapters to go, huh? Might as well go through the both of 'em.

...Something seems a little off in this chapter, though. Can't quite put my finger on it...

a

hey guys im back and just to let you know my sister if fine anyway this is the new chapter of the story hope you enjoy

i do not own inuyasha, inuyasha belongs to his original owners i own the plot and the two characters kira and akiko

/

chapter eleven

akikos prov


Is it the lack of bold for her author note? Hm...

i sat against a tree watching the stars everyone was asleep it was quite relaxing, i remember when i was younger when i couldnt sleep my mother and i would watch at the stars.

silent tears slipped down my cheeksi missed her so much, kira had changed. she used to be so shy, and so nice okay she still is nice but wont ever sleep its rare for me to see her sleep.


This back story sounds suspiciously familiar.

i am happy suikotsu is letting her sleep with him she is happy i know, me and kira never knew our father he was gone before we were born. i felt someone sit next to me it was inuyasha.

i was shocked /you okay?/ he asks me i smile a sad smile at him i never wanted to let anyone see me cry it made me feel week, and pathetic.


Odd substitute for quotation marks. And she has yet to capitalise any word whatsoever. Hm...

/im fine i was just thinking of my mother i miss her alot/ i tell him trying to reassure him i was fine.

he nodded at me and looked at the stars /you know my moms up there too/ he tells me trying to cheer me up. i smiled at him, i never relised how cute his dog ears were.


Ai yi yi... here we go, more relationship stuff.

i sighed and looked at my twin she was cuddling with suikotsu i smiled at her /so kira and suikotsu huh?/ he says looking at them.

"I have to admit, I never would have thought it possible. You know, since he's fucked up in the head."

/yeah im glad shes happy its so rare to see her sleep/ inuyasha was confused at what i said. /what do you mean by that?

"It means she sleeps like, once a week, man. Learn your words."

/my sister she has nightmares i know this because i feel what she feels sometimes like when she is scared i know and help her out, i also am the one to take care of her she is my little sister and i believe its my duty to protect her/

Awesome trait, though every sibling should have that, I feel.

i say to him he nodded and smiled a small smile /i know what you mean i think that way i feel that as leader of the group i should be there for everyone even you/

Though in Inuyasha's case... well, he has the group, at least!

Suddenly we change to Inuyasha's PoV for no real reason.

i look at her she was beautiful i hated not seeing her smile i then made it so that when ever i could i would make her smile .what is going on with me? i sound so soft and like a total wuss. i thought to myself when i look into her eyes i cant help but smile.

refer to my comments on Kira's age for how I generally feel about the ages for these OC's.

/so inuyasha why are you up still?/ i hear her ask mei had to think of how to answer her /i really dont know i had alot on my mind really i mean when ever i saw kagome with him.../ i said him as in bankotsu /...i would get so mad./ i didnt see akiko get upset.

Sounds like past tense. Oh dear.

/but im glad he makes her happy i never could, but now im happy for her i see her as a sister/ i saw akikos eyes light up she was happy?

You don't find it odd the evil mercenary's suddenly become good at all? And that he's an awesome boyfriend for Kagome?

/really? thats cool kagome is lucky to have that with bankotsu... you know whats weird?/ she says looking at me. i face her /what?/

/it seems that everyone in the group is a couple but you me and jakotsu, well so is shippo but it doesnt matter hes a kid/ i chuckled a little


I swear to god, if this author ships Jakotsu/Shippo...

/yeah but im not into jakotsu, jakotsu is a nice guy but im not into guys/ that caused her to giggle i smiled.

Isn't this the same guy who would try and shred you to bits while flirting with you? That's not exactly 'nice'.

/oh then who do you like?/ she asks me curiosity evident in her voice. /im not sure maybe this half demon i know/ i said winking at her she blushes and my chest swells up with pride.

i looked around at camp and take a chance and lean forward twords her our lips made contact she gasped and i took that opertunity to deepen the kiss.

she was shocked at first but her eyes closed and returned the kiss.


Because we all know Inuyasha is good when it comes to things like this. All that time spent with Kagome, sexual tension almost taking physical form between them? Guess that never existed or something.

/

the next day

normal prov

akiko woke up early she still couldnt stop thinking about what happened last night. inuyasha had kissed her. akiko went back to sleep not she pretended to because kira woke up.


...So are you awake or not? This strangely bland format makes it even harder to tell than normal.

kira has saw suikotsu holding her to him againshe blushed /i cant believe he is doing this again/ she thought to herself.

Neither can I. Why aren't you nothing but fleshy ribbons yet?

she looked at suikotsu and saw him move his head to her chest she blushed seven shades of red

she tried to get away but his strong grip wouldnt let her.


Guess he likes flesh pillows. At least, I hope she has them. Otherwise, this is kinda wrong.

/

after everyone was awake and on the road traveling again

/sango are you feeling okay if in i can carry you/ miroku asked conserned for his soon to be wife. /miroku im fine calm down/ sango said annoyed wiith the monk/her love/baby daddy.


Forward slashes are not quotation marks! And when they're used for both QM's and listing several titles, things get so horribly confusing! >.<

/sango i am only looking out for you/ he said trying to calm her down, /miroku relax sango is strong and will be fine/ kagome says trying to reassure her friend. he sighed but nodded.

I dunno how she managed to decide whether or not she was pregnant after one night, but I'm quite sure she's still very capable of walking.

...And, um... wouldn't it have been better to wait until you weren't travelling all over this strangely tiny Japan and fighting demons? Quite a few things can go wrong...

kagome groaned and slapped her face /man miroku is turning into a worry wort i wonder if bankotsu will if i get pregnant/ she thought to her self bankotsu put his arm around her and flung her over his shoulder.

Please never have his children, Kagome. It's bad enough I have to deal with the fact you're pretty much a necrophiliac now.

kagome had /eeped/ and he smirked /you know this is your fault you have to be so cute/ bankotsu says to her as they walked.

/please put me down/ she begged when giggling at the same time. /nah you like it i know you do/he said with his sexy smirk.


Blegh.

inuyasha groaned /will you quit your stupid love dovey crap/ bankotsu looked at himand smirked /oh inuyasha you just upset that i am in love and you are alone/

Or it's genuinely annoying. And creepy, coming from you.

inuyasha growled but said nothing he shoved his hands into his sleves and walked faster

/your wrong bankotsu/ akiko said smiling she would be there for when ever he needed him

/


Well, you certainly didn't do a good job backing him up, there!

sorry guys i had to write this on my phone and it was hard to do so i hope you enjoyed this byee

And thus the mystery of the terrible writing is explained. Well, terrible by this fic's standards. Why would write a full chapter on your phone? There's just way too much trouble for it to be worth the effort >.> And why was it necessary? Again, there's no time limit you have to beat! It's not like anyone would die not being able to read this. Hell, I'm surprised the first half of this story alone isn't fatal.

So, next chapter time, and is 'thankfully' back to normal.

hey im back and i hope you like this one Razz

I sure hope I do. After twelve chapters of this, I want some pay-off.

The group had been traveling for a while till all of a sudden Kagome felt sick to her stomach 'I must be getting a fever i should go home for a while' She thought to herself "hey guys can we go to Keade's village i need to go home for a while"

And already I'm paranoid as to what the cause of this is.

Inuyasha got mad and yelled "No way we need to collect the jewel shards so Naraku doesn't get anymore!" Kagome growled "Inuyasha, Naraku has most of the shards and I need to go home to take a test!"

He got in her face "You can care about tests later now you need... Kagome what is wrong you smell funny" she was confused "Kira, Akiko do you smell that too?" he asked the twins they nodded.


Ooooooh shit.

"Nothings wrong can we just drop it and go the Keade's village" he humped

wat

and crossed his arms "fine" they walked for hours until they got to the well no one talked not really sure why a lot was Kagome's mind.

So now they're hours away? Well, better than 'they went to the well', at least. And several without any of the group talking? Come on, guys, Kagome goes home every so often!

'what could they mean?' was all that was running thru her mind. "Kagome would you like me to come with you?" Bankotsu asked worried about his love, "no, no its okay maybe Sango could come with me though" said girl smiled at her best friend/ sister.

There's a reason Inuyasha was the only other person able to travel through the well, you know. It wan't something just anyone could do.

"Of course Kagome" she smiled at her sister, Bankotsu looked hurt a little "Bankotsu don't look at me like that its just i need girl time and well your not a girl" he sighed but nodded.

they're also friends, not sisters.

"be back soon okay?" she nodded and kissed him he returned the kiss and they had to break apart. The two girls jumped into the well and were engulfed by a blue light Miroku sighed "Oh i miss her already" he said sadly.

Don't worry Miroku, that villager you slept with once might be nearby!

Bankotsu nodded "yeah i miss Kagome. Hey Miroku do you think... do you think Kagome well..." Miroku looked at his new friend "what is it my friend?"

Bankotsu shrugged and started to talk "well i think I want to marry her and i don't know if she would say yes. You knew her longer than i did and well what do you think?"


Oh come on, she practically fell in love with you the day after you kidnapped her! And you've... done things... like, three times now! Why would she NOT marry you at this point? Well, maybe if Kagome realised she was in a bizarro world or something, but that doesn't seem to likely, unfortunately.

Miroku smiled and put a hand over his shoulder "My friend don't worry about it i can see great amounts of love between the two of you and i am glad you make her happy" Bankotsu smiled "Thanks man so how are you and sango?"

Miroku smiled "We are fine..."


"So long as she doesn't find out about all the other villagers I slept with in the past week alone."

MEANWHILE, BACK IN THE FUTURE

after landing in Kagome's time they climbed up the ladder and were now walking into the house "Hey Sango I need to go to the store and get something you dont mind do you?"

"of course not Kagome" she smiled and took Sango's hand they went to her room and Kagome gave Sango a pair of clothes "the people in my time dont wear their Kimono's till new years day"

"Oh okay" the girls changed Sango was wearing a pink tank top and a black skirt with red flip-flops. Her hair was up in a pony tail and was wearing black bracelets around her wrists.


Huh. Always imagined Sango to be bigger. In more ways than one :3

Thank god Kagome doesn't read my blogs, or I'd be dead for that.

Kagome was wearing a blue tank top, black skinny jeans, black tennis shoes, her hair was pulled had a blue head band and wore pink bracelets on her wrists.

"you look good Sango" she smiled with a light blush "thanks, so do you" she smiled and they left to go to the store, chatting at with each other about little things. Some guys would whistle at them which made them blush.


these two blush far too easily, I find.

Sango had asked why they did that and she explained that's how guys flirt with girls in her time and try to get their attention. "Well hello cuties" a guy said outside the supper store.

"Hello?" they both said "now what are you two fine lovely ladies doing in a place like this" he said while eying them up and down. "I dont think my husband would like you talking like that to me." Sango said in a warning tone.

"Well what your husband doesn't know wont hurt him right, and you are you with anyone?" he asks Kagome, "Actually yes I am" the guy sighed and closed his eyes "such a shame all the cute ones are taken"


Do we really have some weird creeper like that living nearby? Well, at least he knows when to back off. Unlike two bandits who can't see Buster Swords.

The girls hurried into the store and to the aisle Kagome wanted to go to 'pregnancy tests?' Sango thought then gasped "Kagome are you?" "i dont know maybe"

Ah, right. Of course. Lemme just clear my throat. *Er-hem*

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Sango smiled and hugged her friend. Kagome got two packages of the pregnancy test's and bought them she blushed at when the cashier looked at her. when out side they were greeted by the same guy and his group.

"Not him again" they complained "it seems we meet again my lovely's" the girls groaned and smacked their heads, "Looks like you dont seem too happy to see me well im happy to see the both of you i think we all are am i right boys?"


Oh, and the creep is a rapist after all. Lovely.

They nodded with smirks "Boys we will hurt you if you don't stop harassing us" Kagome warned this made them all chuckle. The girls sighed but Kagome took her dagger that she had hidden in her shoe out, and Sango took her dagger that she had hidden on her inner thigh "always stayed prepared huh?" the girls smirked and got into fighting stances.

Except Kagome only ever uses arrows. Sango I could at least see using a knife, but I don't remember being told they were carrying those around.

One tried to attack the girls but with lighting speed he was knocked out by Kagome releasing her hold onto his neck. "anyone else?" they gulped "wow Kagome where did you learn that?"

"Bankotsu wanted me to be safe if he wasn't there i could protect myself he also told me how to kill a guy even tho i told him i wouldn't" "sweet hmm think he can teach me some" Kagome nodded they forgot they were fighting then Sango looked at the guys confused faces.


.....................................

No. Just no. Kagome is the archer, not the close combat expert >.> And when the hell did these lessons take place? They're never mentioned in the rare time skips that actually happen in this story, nor are they ever hinted at the rest of the time.

Also, Sango, you're already practically the strongest in the group next to Inuyasha. What the hell could Bankotsu teach you? I bet you could kick his ass right now.

"Oh he boyfriend is a mercenary a very deadly one so mess with us again your dead." after she said that they ran for the hills, which the girls laughed at.

Because Sango is the type to say "My relative/friend/acquaintance can totally kick your ass!"

When they got to the house Kagome was greeted by her mom, brother, and grandpa who hugged her she hugged them back and introduced them to her family, Kagome went to the bathroom and took the test.

Not exactly sure what the hell half that sentence means, but where were they the first time round? And which brother? Me or the fictional character?

ten minutes later

She got up and walked to the counter and gasped 'two stripes' she sat on the floor and smiled a little 'i-im pregnant with Bankotsu's baby... but what if he doesn't want a kid?' Sango walked in and saw Kagome on the floor "kaogme whats wrong?"

"Im pregnant" "thats great!" Kagome smiled and nodded "Yeah"


Can you really discover pregnancy this quick? Doesn't it tend to take several weeks to notice? Kagome's had, like, one or two days.

the next day

The two went back thru the well and saw Bankotsu and Miroku talking. "... and you see Sango is very good in bed" Miroku told Bankotsu everything "Oh really because when im with Kagome I just..." he was interrupted by a stick.


Have they really just been standing next to the well for an entire day talking about how awesome their partners are at sex? Seriously?

"Ow!" they both said both girls were still wearing the same outfits and the guys gasped "What the hell?" "Girls your back how much did you hear?" they said scared. they new both women had a wicked temper.

And those two didn't even bother changing?

"the part where you were going to tell Miroku about our sex life" Bankotsu shot up and looked at her body and couldnt help but be turned on at her. He shook his head and pointed a finger at Miroku "Well he told me everything about Sango and him" Sango glared daggers at him "Hey!" I aint going down alone dude"

Wrong time to be getting a boner. Also, I don't like you.

The girls laughed at them then glared at the guys, "You know Sango maybe we should have been with those guys at the supper market when we were gone" Sango smirked at this "Yeah, they did seem quite cute and seemed how to please a girl"

"They really seemed to major in non-consensual relations! How exotic!"

"WHAT?" both men screamed out loud "YOU WOULD LEAVE ME FOR SOME LOSER?" the girls looked at them and Kagome got a little scared Bankotsu saw this and relaxed a little "Kagome..." They then herd a scream a piercing scream and they all ran to the village.

Good to know Bankotsu will probably be a jealous bastard of a husband. That makes me feel so much better.

Naraku was there and fighting the group (i am sorry you guys but i cant write a fight scene to save my life so bare with me) Suikotsu was badly injured he had gotten struck with one of naraku's poisonous tentacles and was in agony as it dissolved his skin away, Inuyasha had been fighting Koga who was surprisingly trying to protect Naraku.

Where the hell has Koga BEEN anyway? That must have been a pretty damn deep plot hole he fell in.

Also, more distracting author notes. Goodie.

...Also again, Naraku's openly fighting now? Huh?

but that wasn't much of a shock but inuyasha had been hurt very badly from the dead lower class demons many of the villagers were out of town but some were helping.

And now it's not much of a shock. What, did Kagome warn everybody off screen Koga was inexplicably evil?

Kagura and Kanna were fighting against Naraku which made him mad and after he gave them their hearts back "you filthy traitors and you kanna i trusted you" she glared at him and was fighting all she had in her.

Really struggling to bare with the author here. 'Fighting' isn't the best description to use here. I guess Kagura's throwing wind blades and Kanna's... um... holding up her mirror?

Kagome shot a sacred arrow at Naraku only cracking the barrier around him "Inuyasha i need your help" he nodded "WIND SCAR!" the arrow and the wind scar clashed together and broke the barrier around him he growled and lunged at her (Kagome).

Might as well just say 'Kagome', then. And remember the technique specifically learned to crack shields? Or the Adamant Barrage? Why not use one of them? Wind Scar is hilariously weak at this point. How it broke Naraku's barrier I'll never know.

It seemed everyone was fighting someone so Kagome was stuck fighting Naraku by herself she grabbed her sword (Bankotsu had given her a sword once she got back)

REALLY would have been nice to know that piece of information >.> So now Kagome can use swords, and for some stupid reason has to fight Naraku alone, even though the only other ally he has right now is Koga. Uh huh.

Naraku was mad no beyond mad at her his mate was fucking pregnant with that bastard's child! He could not stand for this he stepped closer and closer causing her to step back in fear thought of what was about to happen when she got kidnapped were racing throughout her mind and she was scared.

So Naraku magically knows Kagome is pregnant and Kagome magically knows what Naraku is thinking. Of course.

He had managed to pin her to a tree and growled at her "How dare you, you are mine no one should have touched you, and now your pregnant with the bastards child i wont allow it!" he declared she shrank back in fear forgetting she had a sword and dropped it.

I miss the old Naraku. At least he was far more entertaining than this... monstrosity.

Naraku did the one thing that he shouldn't have he tilted her head and bit down hard into her skin and marked her as his! to him her blood tasted so divine and enjoyed her screams of pain.

...She's a vampire now?

He finished his mark on her and smirked "mate once we get home we can get rid of that abomination growing in your womb" "NO STAY AWAY FROM ME!" he smirked and fiercely kissed her, her purification powers did the best it could but she needed help.

Must he keep using the word 'mate'? He's already needlessly creepy in this damn fic. And being a tentacle monster/spider/mish-mash thing at his base isn't helping.

Bankotsu saw what was going down and was filled with rage he attacked on instinct, Naraku saw this and stabbed him repeatedly, Kagome had screamed and cried hard for her love.

Took him long enough to notice. Where the hell has he been anyway. And wasn't Kagura and Kanna fighting Naraku as well? Why did Inuyasha stop after breaking his barrier? So many questions!

With Bankotsu's last ounce of strength he killed Naraku by stabbing his Banryuu into his heart with Kagome's purification powers and Bankotsu's Banryuu that was enough to kill him Narakus screams of agony and pain were herd as he died. Naraku turned to ash and the wind carried his remains away.

remember how absolutely fucking hard it was to kill him originally? Yeah, who knew stabbing his heart was this simple all along! Fuck Meido Zangetsuha, all you need is a Buster Sword!

Kagome rushed to her love's side and cried into his chest "Bankotsu please no dont leave me" he gave her a week smile and said "you know what the best part about this is?" his voice was soft.

"None of this is canon. At all. Hate on this series all you want, you'd rather rewatch it all than go down this route."

"that before i die again i got to be with you and fall in love with a wonderful girl like you." "no ban please no i cant do this without you, Ban i love you" "and i you" "you cant leave me because... your going to be a father" he smiled a week smile and kissed her, she returned the kiss "thank you kagome i wish i could be there to... to raise our child"

...I wonder of it's possible to conceive a half zombie? Ack, I really don't want to know...

he was having trouble breathing, "no no no dont talk like that your going to get better i know you are, and we can raise him or her just stay with me" he held her face and kissed her.

When Kagome pulled back he had died everyone ran to her side and saw Kagome crying on his chest.


...really sad and all, but what's to stop him coming back to life, exactly? He's done it with no explanation before.

After she was done crying she made the jewel whole she saw Koga was dead, and all those who helped in the battle hurt badly or killed

I take it the jewel is just that now - a jewel, not the container of a dead shrine maiden and an infinite army of demons? Why are they fixing this, again?

Suikotsu was having a hard time he was finally happy, in love with a wonderful woman but koga had killed her when she was fighting a lower class demon, Koga had shoved his hand thru her chest and pulled out her heart.

Should I? Seems inappropriate... ah, what the hell. FATALITY.

Still, I guess this means Kira was legal after all.

Akiko was bleeding profoundly and was going pail she was by her sisters side holding her Kanna had died by hakidoshi's hands.

Wait, what? Hakudoshi's in this?! What?!? He literally did not appear until the very last chapter, with only the epilogue left to read? Why the fuck did the author even include him if this is literally his only mention in the plot?

Oh, and sucks for Akiko.

Kagome had started to vanish and was gone from the world she loved.

Because that's how she ended up coming back to our time. Yep.

And now we time skip two years...

it was snowing and she was currently walking down the streets heading home to her son light he looked so much like his father she missed him so much.

So you called him Light, huh? Author's keeping her Death Note fangirlism really subtle, isn't she?

when walking she saw her favorite bakery was open and walked inside ordering a strawberry cake to go. when waiting a guy had put his arms around her waist "hey let go of me!" she yelled at the man she would not look at him.

Why wouldn't you look at the guy suddenly grabbing you? Unless this is a terrible attempt at hiding his ident-fuck it's him isn't it?

"Missed you too" she gasped 'no it cant be him' she turned around and gasped "bankotsu" she said in a whisper he flashed her that sexy smirk and she hugged him he returned the hug

"i missed you so much" she said into his chest he kissed her head and smiled 'Its good to be back' he thought as he hugged the women he loved.


...................

Right. Okay. Well, the author's gotten ever so slightly better at writing, so maybe she actually thought of reason as to why he's back to life AGAIN and in our time?

hey guys i hope you liked this story because its over and done finally sorry it took soooooo long i hope you enjoyed this as much as i did i got a little teary eyed when writing Bankotsu's death anyway REVIEW please Smile

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Okay. It's done. Finished. No more chapters. My final thoughts...

The first half? Simply atrocious. Blatant wish fulfilment crossed with stupid bashing just to promote the author's completely nonsensical pairing. Seriously, where the hell do you get the idea that Kagome and Bankotsu are eben remotely sexually interested in each other?

The second half... it kind of zig-zags between being fairly mediocre and insultingly stupid. The two original characters served no purpose other than to give two other characters new girlfriends, and even then one of them just died off screen, killed by a horrible derailed character. Oh dear god, the character derailment...

So many things in this story are skipped or left unexplained, and the plot holes are staggering. It was like there was absolutely no plan whatsoever for this, other than 'love'.

So yeah, no doubt this would destroy Kagome's mind if she ever read this stuff. It's an insult, frankly.

Sota Higurashi, forever swearing off of fanfiction.

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