Part One Doesn't Need a Title:

Spidey: -being interviewed as a roommate- And I will be able to pay rent on occasion due to my occasional security guard work.

Bowser: Ok, question two: how do you feel about lava traps?

Spidey: Lava traps?

Bowser: Yeah. I have some enemies that I'd rather not have crawling around the castle....

Spidey: Well, I guess if there are some safety features installed....

Bowser: Good. Next question: if you come home and the lava traps are on, do you have somewhere else to go? Cause you see, it usually means I have people over, and don't want to be disturbed.

Spidey: Uh....yeah...guess it's better than a sock on the door. But I have a question for you. You see, you seem to have severe privacy issues and I was wondering....

Bowser: Yes?

Spidey:....are you a drug dealer?

Italkreallyfastcausethisdubishorrible!

Speed: Welcometoourhome.Weofcourserequireyoutobringinmuchrentmoneysincemyracewinningsaren'tpayingtherent!

Spidey:....Sorry, I blinked, did you say something?

Real Roommates Don't Know What a Shirt Is

Spidey: Hi! I'm Spidey. I've got some money for rent for the next few weeks, and may be on the process of getting a permanent job. I don't have any major self-destructive habbits, and I'm definately not a snorer....

Kamina: Enough of this!

Spidey: Huh?

Kamina: You only need only one thing to be my roommate!

Spidey: ....earplugs?

Kamina: -stands up TO BE MY ROOMMATE! YOU NEED ONLY THE POWER OF MANLY PASSION!!!!

Spidey:...not wearing a shirt is optional, right?

A True roommate, a true Spidey-riri, HAS RENT MONEY IN HIS HEART!

Lal'C: Ok, question one, can you pay rent?

Spidey: Yes. For the first few weeks, and any week that I have a security job.

Lal'C: Can you elaborate on this job?

Spidey: You see, I'm what's called a private agent....

Nono: That sounds kind of cool! Are you like, some kind of combination of private eye and secret agent?

Spidey: Uh, no, you see, I....

Nono: Lets KEEP HIM! His job sounds awesome!

Lal'C: Nono, a private agent is just a freelance security guard.

Nono: Oh.

Spidey: Sorry to disappoint.

Lal'C: Next question: can you avert your eyes while the two of us are undressing....

Spidey:.....ummmmmmm uuuuuuuh.... Did I mention I could pay rent?

What's Up Doc?

Bugs: Whats up doc?

Spidey: I'm here to apply to be your roommate.

Bugs: So, uh, what are your qualifications?

Spidey: I can pay rent. On occasion.

Bugs: Good. Ok. Do you have any problem evading hunters?

Spidey: Um....no? Never been hunted.

Bugs: Do you like carrots?

Spidey: They're great for eyesight!

Bugs: How many lumps do you want?

Spidey: NOT ANSWERING THAT! I KNOW HOW THAT JOKE GOES!

Bugs:....ok. No lumps. -pours himself and Spidey tea; puts a few lumps of sugar in his- You can relax. I haven't declared war yet.

Spidey: Heh heh....right.

Bugs: Question two, will you have any strange women over?

Spidey: Probably not but, um I'll put a sock on the door...er....wait....there is no door.....I'll put a sock outside the rabbit hole if I do.

(continuation of Cathy's)

Spidey: At the very least, I won't have to worry about racing obsessed morons, random cartoon violence, manly passions, my own perviness, or that damned drug dealing turtle....

Bond, James Bond.

Spidey: Hello, I'm here to apply for a room, Mr.....

007: Bond. James Bond.

Spidey: Right. I can pay rent, and I'm not addicted to drugs, nor do I deal them.

007: Good. That's second question I was going to ask.

Spidey: What was the first?

007: Do you have somewhere else to sleep? You see, I occasionally bring women home....

Spidey: Right, sock on the door means go somewhere else....

007: actually, I bring women home rather frequently, so you might be sleeping somewhere else rather frequently.

Spidey: Oh. How frequently?

007: you said something about paying rent....

Spidey: No, if I'm going to be your roommate, I want to know if I'm going to be able to sleep in my own damned room.

007: Oh you're welcome to sleep here during the day, or when I'm, off on a business trip....

Spidey: How often do you go on these trips?

007: Too often.

Spidey:....I get the feeling these business trips are something I shouldn't ask about.

007: quite right.

Spidey: Well, I guess that means I will be able to sleep here often, at least....

007: Oh, and when you are in the apartment, do try not to touch anything that I don't label as safe.

Spidey: Why.....

007: Lets just say I have quite a few things in my apartment that aren't what they appear.

Spidey: Oh. So I can only sleep there when you're away, I can't touch most of the things in your apartment....

007: Oh, and please, don't bring strange women into the apartment. It sees enough use as is. Oh, and always be prepared to leave in a hurry while I'm away; you see, I occasionally bring women home from my business trips.....where are you going?

Spidey: Pay your own damned rent...


Spidey: Hello, I'm Spidey, and I'm here to be your roommate.

Mario: Abedi smaga damadeba.

Spidey: No idea what you just said.....do you....um....want rent money?

Mario: -nods- Mmm hmmm.

Spidey: I can pay it. I've got a job as a private agent at a security company.

Mario: Yippee!

Spidey: Wait, that wasn't gibberish!

Mario:....ok, fine! I speak English just fine. I just like to speak with my accent.

Spidey: Mama mia!

Mario: Oh, and if you stay here, do stay out of my stash of magical mushrooms. I might need them if the princess is kidnapped.

Spidey:....great, first a drug dealer, now a drug addict!

(To be continued! Maybe)