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I make a character read an Inuyasha Fanfic Part 8

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I make a character read an Inuyasha Fanfic Part 8 Empty I make a character read an Inuyasha Fanfic Part 8




When we last left our epic of a story, Naraku and Koga were plotting very non-consensual stuff for Kagome, and I was pissed. And now, the much wanted continuation...

First question? Why is this entire chapter in bold? I'll just assume it was a mistake. Hell, I've found that some of my chapters inexplicably have the last quarter italicised for no reason >.>

kagome had been going frantic trying to find a place to escape there was no way she could 'someone please help.' she started to cry. she brought her knees up to her chest and hid her face letting her tears fall.

remember when Kagome would put up something resembling a fight when captured?

the door slid open and she was surprised when she saw it was kikyo. Kagome had a mixture of emotions right now she was shocked because Kikyo was there, utterly confused as to how she was able to live again, and a little scared. "K-Kikyo h-how are you alive?"

"I Don't know, how is your new boyfriend still alive as well? Have fun never finding out!"

she stuttered out. "Kagome now is not the time to ask questions now is the time for you to leave." "i know but how? i dont know where to go?" "fallow me i will help you" "how can i trust you?" "you just have to or else your going to be in trouble" kagome got to her feet and thought this over.

And why is Kikyo suddenly good? Granted, she's supposed to be... maybe she wants Naraku all to herself?

'i do need to escape ... but how can i trust her she has tried to kill me countless times and could be working for naraku'

Countless times? At least she's consdiering Kikyo might actually be tricking her.

...Come to think of it, how did she get there before Koga?

she looked in kikyos eyes and saw her worried and nodded "alright ill go with you" kagome ran over to kikyo and they linked hands. "we have to be quiet or else we will be caught alright" kagome nodded.

Not sure how stealth will help against someone who could sniff you out, but it's nice to see Kikyo is actually being decent for a change. Maybe the author is finally getting over her hatred?

they left the room and were walking through out the hallways they seemed to long and twisty you would surly get lost if you didnt know were you were going. when walking they had saw a guard paroling the halls so they had to hide and hide fast. Kikyo led Kagome into a room and waited for the guard to pass, once the coast was clear they set off again.

...Naraku has guards? What's wrong with Kagura or Kanna or whatever? I didn't think he'd even need guards! the guy never frickin' dies!

for what seemed like hours to kagome they made it to the exit and ran like crazy into the forest.

Still, just the one guard in all that time? Maybe he was another guy who got lost, instead?

when they were far away from the castle they were out of breath and panting "thank you for saving me" kagome says smiling at the other miko. "kagome i need you to trust me if you happen to run into your wolf friend do not trust him"

Nice advice and all, but if she's ever alone with Koga, I don't think he's gonna care if she says, "Yeah, um, Koga? I don't think we should be alone together. Ever."

"koga? why cant i trust him?" "it is for your own safety, please i know our rivalry has gotten the best of us at times but please trust me when i say not to trust the wolf he isnt who he appears to be"

'gotten the best of them'? You are aware of how you acted in this story, right? That's not rivally, that's full-on hatred. Which seems to have completely disappeared.

Oh yeah, and you should probably just say Koga's an evil rapist or something. Actually let Kagome know he's pretty dangerous.

"kikyo why did you save me and how are you alive" they started to walk to what seemed to be going to the bone eaters well.

This better be a good explanation.

"Naraku he brought me back, he... he abused me for his own pleasure, he did everything to me that would be painful" kagome felt tears well up in her eyes and hugged the older miko "im so sorry kikyo" "kagome at first when we met i did not like you but as time grew i became fond of you, i saw you as a little sister i know it may not seem like it but i care for you"

Could have fooled us all there. Still, Kikyo did come to like and respect Kagome as an individual.

...I think this fan fic actually improved a great deal. Still far from worth reading, but the characters are less like the imposters they have been this whole time.

"then why did you always summon inuyasha to you?" "i never did he would always pick up my sent and rush to me i have told him time in and again that i dont want to be with him and told him to go for you but he never listened, he always had to make the first move." " oh"

"Okay then, moving on."

when walking they ran into bankotsu and his brothers with shippo.

Author still really needs to work on this habit of randomly meeting others like this. Seriously, how far away were they? Did they camp in Naraku's back yard this time?

"MOMMY!" shippo launched himself onto kagome "i missed you so much mommy dont ever leave me again" shippo said though wails of tears "kagome why are you with kikyo?" "she saved me bankotsu" kagome says adjusting shippo onto her hip.

"Also, why is she al-"

"Plot."

"But we need an expl-"

"PLOT."

"kagome i must be off remember what i have told you" kikyo says walking away "i will kikyo and thank you again" bankotsu walked over to his girlfriend and kissed her passionately then hugged her "i missed you love" "i missed you too bankotsu" she hugged everyone and they ended up making camp there that night.

No plans to escape Naraku's back yard, then?

jakotsu sand up and asks the girls "would you like to jion me for a dip in the hot spring ladies?" they all nodded and went to the hot springs and got in. "so what has happened since i was gone?" "well kagome, Akiko here has been flirting with inuyasha and they are almost as a couple now"

So Kagome goes missing, and Akiko finds this to be an appropriate time to seduce Inuyasha when they really should be searching for her?

I don't think I like Akiko.

"thats great congrats Akiko" she blushed.

Though Kagome has no problems with this, funnily enough. The new found quality is beginning to dip already.

"and kira has been hanging out with suikotsu lately and they have been hitting it off great"

Killer Kira is just as bad, apparently. Ah, guess I shouldn't exclude Inuyasha and Suikotsu from all the blame, even though they really shouldn't be acting like this at all.

"wow" kagome was happy for her friends, sango was oddly quiet so kagome asks "are you okay sango?" she blushes and smiles "i-i think i might be pregnate"

wat

everyone gasped then smiled "thats great sango im so happy for you" everyone squealed out.

HOW?!

okay guys what do you think of chapter 8 i hope you guys like it and i hope i get some reviews for this Smile so anyway i hope you like the idea i have going for the story but since its 12:20 and i have to wake up early tomorrow im going to bed night guys please tell me what you think i love the reviews Very Happy

Yeah that's nice miss but WHAT?!

When the hell did Sango sleep with anyone? Don't tell it was last goddamn night with Miroku or something! Or are you going to reveal Sango was actually the villager he slept with? I just- why- ugh...

......Well, the first half of this short chapter was surprisingly... okay. Stupid, but not as bad as this story's been. Then the second half took a tumble to dumbassery again. Joy. Well... might as well move onto the next chapter.

hey guys im back and decided im going to post everyday till this story is done

i dont own inuyahsa i only own kira, and Akiko


Considering the quality of other chapters that had several days worth of work put in (assuming it wasn't 'write one day', be lazy for a week') this doesn't strike me as a good sign.

kagome asked her best friend/sister

Best Friend would be the right answer. Normally, I wouldn't be surprised if she did turn out to be Kagome sister at this point.

I'd be even more confused than when I found out Yusuke is our brother, but not surprised.

"whos the father?" "Miroku"

Saw that coming, now for the 'villager' revelation.

she said with a deep blush. "yes i knew it you two were ment for each other" kagome sang/ stated.

Though that little tidbit is most likely forgotten.

"Kagome" sango whined but made it playful she enjoyed this. they all decided to get out and go back to camp.

I thought Sango didn't like Miroku because of that incident, anyway? Wasn't she into Suikotsu? Whatever happened with that? Did Kira just say 'fuck that'?

when at camp sango asked Miroku to join her for a walk and of course he did he wasnt expecting what he was going to hear.

"so my lovely sango what do you want to talk about?" Miroku asked putting a arm around her shoulders.


Something I've noticed - why is Sango's name frequently uncapitalised? It seems to be the most missed name or something.

"well um you see Miroku its about us..." sango was interrupted by Miroku "Sango are you saying we should see other people because i couldnt do that, im head over heals in love with you Sango please dont leave me i know im a lecher but i can change as long as i can keep being with you..." he was silenced by sango.

Even Miroku's forgot he cheated on Sango. Unless they only started going out after Kagome was kidnapped.

...How long was Kagome kidnapped, exactly?

"Miroku i dont want to leave you i was trying to say that i think i might be pregnant with your child"

"Granted, I don't remember ever having sex with you at all, but there's no other explanation!"

he got down on one knee and pulled a ring out of his robes "this was my mothers she gave this to me before she died and i want you to wear it this mean everything to me and so do you sango will you marry me" she couldnt form words do she nodded smiling ear to ear and tackling him into a hug "of course i will!" he smiled and slid it onto her ring finger.

...Well, it's heart-warming, I guess. Can't fault the author here for getting this pairing right.

They walked back to camp happier than ever "everyone" they all looked at them (sango and miroku duh)

Because I never would have guessed, even with the vague descriptions of 'they' and 'them'.

"im going to be a dad and me and Sango are getting married!" they all said their congrats and and the girls (including Jakotsu) were chearing and jumping up and down

"Wait, you became a dad in one night? Can you really figure out that fast?" Jakotsu suddenly asked with a hint of confusion.

bankotsu got to thinking and decided when everyone was asleep he and kagome would got to a lake they pasted by.

Pasted by, huh?

...Oh no, you better not be getting weird ideas!

one hour later

everyone was asleep but kagome and bankotsu, Kagome wouldn't go to sleep with out Bankotsu by her side so she stayed up.


That seems pretty damn clingy.

Bankotsu walked over to Kagome "are you ready for bed?" she asked. "no and come with me" she was confused but nodded he held out a hand to help her up and she gladly took it. they walked in the forest for twenty minutes kagome blind folded because Bankotsu wanted it to be a surprise.

That seems dangerous and excessive, really.

"can i take this off yet?" she asked eagerly "hold on one more step, now you can" she took the blind fold off and gasped. there she was standing in the middle of a lake surrounded by tree's and above you could see the thousands of stars lighting up the night and the moon was full to the peak. "this place is so beautiful bankotsu where did you find it?"

...So, they're standing on a body of water right now?

...This romantic scenery is setting off some alarms.

So, some needless constellation gazing follows...

"hey ban?" "hmm?" "whats your favorite color" "blue because it reminds me of your eyes" she giggled.

How cute >.>

"and whats yours?" he asked her "pink because it so bright and pretty" he nodded "what is the best thing that has ever happened to you?" she asked out of the bloom.

Never heard that one before.

"me being able to come back to life and be with you my love" she awed that and laid on his chest and kissed him, he kissed her back with as much passion as possible.

Soon they had to break apart to breathe he smiled at her "i love you Kagome" "i love you too Bankotsu"


At least nothing else happened...

p.m.16: okay thats all folks hope you enjoyed chapter 9 of the story please make sure you tip your waitresses lol just kidding but please make sure you R&R love the comments Razz

Not sure what that has to do with anything, but at least the author seems to have dropped those pointless arguments.

So yeah, aside from the massive plot holes created with the attempted fixes, it seems to be getting better. Will it stay this way? I sure hope so...
RolePlayingRoxas
RolePlayingRoxas
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