Hell With History: A CYOA

A) Wave to them like the mofo you are

C) People should not look at what they can't buy

> Wave

You wave to the people who will no doubt be your future subjects. In return, they give you odd looks. You aren't entirely sure if waving has even been invented yet.

Oh well, you can win them over later with your amazing knowledge of future-ish things.

After a while, you arrive at the royal palace; and are brought to King Priam. Priam is an old man, with white hair and a beard that might make him look something like Santa Clause were he not so skinny.

As you wonder what exactly is the best way to greet a king; the man gets up and kisses your hand; taking you by surprise to say the least.

"It is my honor to kiss the hand of the one who saved my son!" he said. "I thought for sure that Achilles would slay my son and throw his body to the dogs!"

He then gets to his feet.

"Tell me, who is this woman that appeared in a flash of light and helped my son to slay Achilles?" he asked.

You tell him exactly what you told Hector: That you're goddess Kawai of Animu; and that you have been temporarily transformed into a mortal by Zeus to study humans.

He seems a bit confused by that.

"I have never heard of such a goddess..." he says.

For a moment, it seems as if your cover has been blown.

"Well, I suppose the evidence of you appearing in a flash of light would speak for itself," he says. "I shall order a temple built in your honor!"

After thinking on this, you....

A) Tell him that a temple won't be necessary while you're in mortal form.

B) Tell him that a temple sounds like a great idea; but at the moment you would like a place to sleep. And some food.

C) Realize that you're in the past, talking to a king, and pretending to be a goddess; and promptly freak the hell out.

D) Cryptically warn him not to trust Greeks bearing giant wooden horses.

B and D. Tell him a Temple sounds like a great Idea But right now you need a place to sleep and some food. But before that. Don't trust any Greeks bearing Giant Wooden horses.

D) Cryptically warn him not to trust Greeks bearing giant wooden horses.

B+D) Try not to be obvious about the wooden horse bit

>A temple sounds like a great idea but right now I should warn you about those Greeks.

You tell the king that a temple sounds like a great idea; but right now you feel the need to eat, and rest. You also warn him to be wary of Greeks bearing gifts.

"I doubt the Acheans will be much inclined to give me anything. However, I shall heed your warning," says Priam. "The servants shall lead you to your quarters,"

The servants lead you to the guest bedroom; and left. Apparently they would soon be back with food. So you examine the room you've been brought to.

It's a rather nice room, with a large bed. It's very well furnished, and somewhat homey. It's a bit dustier than you expected, however. You shall have to invent a vacuum cleaner somehow.

However, it occurs to you that you have no idea how a vacuum cleaner even works. Also, building one would probably require electricity; something you aren't quite sure you know how to reproduce.

The most modern thing you could probably assemble would probably be something like a crossbow, or a catapult. Maybe some kind of spring-loaded cannon-contraption if you were feeling fancy.

Come to think of it, most of those things would probably be appreciated by the Trojans. Though would it really be okay to introduce those things so much earlier than they would originally have been built?

A) Yes. Lets go Conneticut Yankee on this country's ass!

B) No, I've fucked up history enough as it is.

C) Wait, what the fuck am I even thinking? HOLY SHIT I'M TRAPPED IN THE PAST AND MAY NEVER GO HOME I AM FREAKING THE FUCK OUT TOO MUCH TO CONSIDER THIS CHOICE NOW!

A all the way.

C) FUCK! WHAT HAPPENED TO ME AND WHY DID IT TAKE THIS LONG TO FREAK OUT?

C) FREAK THE FUCK OUT YO

A) History was boring anyway

C) GET YOUR FREAK OUT

>HOLY FREAKING FREAKY FREAKS OF FREAKNESS!

You freak out. Might as well get it over with; as it's been coming on for a while now.

You fall on the bed. You cry and declare that this situation is incredibly unfair and that you just wanted to get your dance major and maybe ask out that nice person that you're totally not stalking.

You curse the heavens for putting you in this dangerous situation.

You beg the heavens to get you out of this dangerous situation.

You start headbutting the wall.

You cuss.

You lay on the bed.

You get up and nervously pace back and fourth.

You punch the wall.

You say some more swears as you realize that your fist now hurts.

You get angry at the wall.

You kick the wall.

You repeat this process till you eventually decide to be the bigger person and let the wall walk away from this one.

You calm down a bit.

You wonder what made you so angry that you assaulted a random wall.

You remember.

You freak out all over again....

--

After a good hour of freaking the hell out; you fall to the ground and lay there a while. It occurs to you that none of this has helped your situation at all.

You realize that you have no choice but to try to save Troy; as you're pretty-much-screwed if it falls. Unless you manage to escape. Come to think of it; didn't Aeneas manage to escape Troy while it was being sacked? And then found Rome...even though Rome wouldn't be founded till long after Homer was dead?

Perhapse you could consult him about possible evacuation routes should the city fall...but then, could you really abandon these people that think you're a goddess?

As you're contemplating whether or not to help or run, you hear a voice.

"Um, excuse me, am I interrupting something important?" says a voice.

The voice startles you enough to cause you to quickly get to your feet.

You turn to see a girl standing in the doorway. She's a bit shorter than you; and has long red hair, and blue eyes. She seems rather timid; possibly nervous about talking to a goddess face to face.

You ask her who she is.

"I'm Cassandra," she said. "Sorry for interrupting you; but you aren't in the future..."

You tell her....

A) "I would like to be alone at the moment!"

B) "What do you mean, saying I'm not in the future?"

C) "Hey baby, how about you put me in your future?"

D) "Your clothes offend me, mortal! Remove them immediately!"

B) "What do you mean, saying I'm not in the future?"

B) Lets just be serious for a post or two, you know, for a change.

B) Say that sentence even though it's pretty fucking obvious you're not the future, I mean come on!

>What do you mean I'm not in the future?

"I mean when I hear the future, I don't hear you," she says.

You enquire as to what she means by hearing the future, and she begins to explain.

"Well, it's not actually 'hearing' the future, as much as I can sense the future; but it's kind of like how when you smell something, you can also kind of taste it. You get what I mean?" she says.

You don't get what she means at all; but you nod your head. Best not to ask for clarification; as it would only confuse you further. You let the girl talk for now.

"Anyway, before you came, I heard nothing but horrible things. I heard Achilles slaying my brother Hector. I heard of the people of Troy partying and celebrating, even while dragging the instrument of their deaths into the city.

"I heard fire and death and anguish. I heard my father's murder and the deaths of my remaining brothers. I heard Trojan women being dragged away as slaves. I heard...I heard what happens to me at the hands of Ajax the lesser,"

At this point, she began to cry. While you still aren't entirely sure this woman can really hear the future; she certainly believes that Troy is going to burn. And you know that in your timeline; she was right.

You feel a rather strong urge to comfort her.

She continues talking.

"But I couldn't hear you at all. You've already changed a part of that future just by appearing! The future where Troy burns is getting fainter!" she says.

She then gets on her knees, and grabs you by the hand.

"Please! I know you can change the fate of Troy! Please don't ignore me and call me a madwoman like everyone else! Make the sounds of fire and death go away! Don't abandon us, please!"

At this point, she's opening weeping at your feet.

So what is your answer?

A) "I won't let that happen!"

B) "I won't let that happen!"

C) "I won't let that happen!"

D) All of the above.

D) because why the fuck not?

We've got nothing better to do! Might as well be a trojan hero!

>Let's do this bro

> As if you would even consider another option.

"I won't let any of that happen!" you say, smiling at Cassandra. "I'll drive the Greeks back into the sea; and boil the water behind them!"

She stares at you for a moment; and then jumps forward and hugs you. You aren't exactly sure what to do in this situation; so you just kind of ackwardly pat her on the back.

You both stay like that for a moment; before she breaks off, and looks up at you.

"So....how do you plan on driving off the Greeks?" she asked.

That's a damned good question.

A) YOu will use what knowledge of engineering that you have to create weapons that tear apart the enemy. Something as simple as a catapult, or a crossbow could devastate an army at this point in history.

B) You plan to destroy that damned wooden horse.

C) You're planning a daring assault on the Greeks with help from the Trojans' allies.

D) You're going to dance at them.

D)
D)
D)
D)
D)
DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANCE

D) EVERYBODY DANCE NOW *DUN DUN DUNDUN DUN DUN DUNDUN*