Hey Dad...

Ok, the way this game works is simple: ONe person says "Hey dad (insert crazy situation here)" and the next poster plays the "dad" and gives them advise for dealing with the crazy situation, then says "Hey dad (insert crazy situation)" themselves.

For example:

Poster 1: Hey dad, there's a Russian hitman in the house, and I'm hiding in the basement.

Poster 2: Ok, here's what you do: sneak up the stairs really quiet-like, and hit him over the head with a lamp. Hey dad, I'm being chased by a giant, demonic chicken.

Poster 3: Run into a church; or a KFC. Either way, they should stop following you. Hey dad....

And so on and so forth.

I shall start: Hey dad, I've been abducted by aliens, and one of them said something that sounded alot like "Prepare the subject for probing...."

Hey dad, a fat chick took my banana and shoved it up her butt.

Get another banana. I don't think you want that one back.

Hey dad, I got drunk and woke up next to a cow, and that farmer looks pissed...

Run. Like Hell.

Hey dad, I was making out with my girlfriend, but now her father is chasing me with a shotgun.

Circle back towards his daughter and get her between yourself and the shotgun. Hopefully, he's not drunk and enraged enough to shoot his own daughter.

Hey dad, I just accidentally awakened the Dark Lord Cthuhlu

Well son, I PUIBHGOPIBPUPIBG.

Hey dad, mom's outside with the corpse of a hooker.

You get the bathtub and the acid; I'll get the hacksaw. You should know the drill by now; it's the third time this year.

Hey dad, I just prank called a serial killer with caller ID. He said he was looking forward to meeting me personally.

When you do meet him, make sure it's in a public place and at least 3 cops can see you.

Hey dad, a meteor is going to end the world in five minutes.

Good, let's get high and buy whores.

Hey dad, where do babies come from?

Go bone your girlfriend and wait a few months.

Hey dad, I got a vampire pregnant....

If it sparkles, you die.

Hey dad, what's the meaning of life?

Sex. Lots of it. Until your winky becomes shrivelled.

Hey dad, I seem to be getting hair everywhere, and my body is changing, why?

Because its the full moon. There's something I haven't told you...

Hey Dad, there's this person at school who makes me all giddy and happy like a lovesick schoolgirl even though I'm positive I like the opposite sex. What does that mean?

DO THEM! I'm really high though, so I cannot tell what sex you are. If you are female, do what was previously mentioned. If you are male, I neither encourage or discourage it, but I do like melons. Also, do I even have children.

Hey Dad, I read this story, and one character being gay turned the rest of the cast gay.

Kill the author. Kill them with fire! Then, while they're burning to death, explain to them that homosexuality is NOT contagious.

Hey dad, I got abducted by aliens, and one of them said something that sounded ALOT like "take the subject to the probing table,"

All I have to say is... when they stick that probe through some place where it doesn't belong, don't panic and you might as well enjoy it...

Hey Dad, do these jeans make me look fat?

How the devil did you get out of the cellar?

Hey Dad, how's it going? Ikilledthedog and the football is on!

Bury him in the backyard in an unmarked grave. We'll get your mother a new dog.

Hey dad, a stripper handcuffed me to the bed, and a giant robot is walking towards the house....

I know, she did me too.

Hey Dad, what is facebook? Is it a face made of books? A book made of faces? Or is it just facek with the boo bit in the middle to surprise you?

Facebook is what I left your mother for. Now shut up. I'm about to acquire another friend, and you know daddy doesn't like to be bothered when he's making friends.

Hey dad, my Facebook friend turned out to be a serial killer, and he seems very upset that I unfriended him andImayhavegivenhimmynameandaddress.

Don't worry, I keep, like, sixty guns in the cellar.

Hey dad, the U.N is coming to crown us kings of the world.

No son, they're coming to crown ME king of the world. You're going to have to settle for prince for now.

Hey dad, I just beat up my high school bully....then found out he wasn't bald cause he shaved his head, but was in fact, dying from terminal cancer.

You got bullied by a guy with terminal cancer? To the basement with you, a little beating ought to toughen you up.

Hey Dad, I found a phallic shaped piece of plastic!

Put that back where you found it and hope your sister doesn't dust for fingerprints.

Hey Dad, I think Grandpa's a wizard - he just cast fireball on the dog.

Pretend you didn't see that. Because it didn't happen. DID IT? -creepy eyes-

Hey Dad, I think my son is in on the family secret (that you're a wizard. Not those movies you did in the 70s)

Oh, I remember back in the day, Barbara Swalos and I would go at it for hours...

Hey dad, I need bleach. For my mind. Or life.

Well, get a container of bleach, carve open your skull, and pour!

Hey dad, my son is in the hospital for attempting to carve his skull open...

Did I ever tell you? I remember back in the day, Barbara Swalos and I would go at it for hours...

Hey Dad, A problem has been detected and Windows has been shut down to prevent damage
to your computer.


The problem seems to be caused by the following file: C:\Users\Dad\Pictures\Barbara_Swalos


PAGE_FAULT_IN_NONPAGED_AREA


If this is the first time you,ve seen this stop error screen,
restart your computer. If this screen appears again, follow
these steps:


Check to make sure any new hardware or software is properly installed.
If this is a new installation, ask your hardware or software manufacturer
for any Windows updates you might need.


If problems continue, disable or remove any newly installed hardware
or software. Disable BIOS memory options sutch as caching or shadowing.
If you need to use safe mode to remove or disable components, restart
your computer, press F8 to select advanced startup options, and then
select Safe mode.


Technical information:


*** STOP: (numbers) ( (numbers) )


***SPCMDCON.SYS - Address (numbers) base at (numbers), DateStamp (numbers)

Hrm... Control Alt Delete? And if that don't work, tech support!

Hey Dad, who's Barbara Swalos?

She's that lady that gave daddy those crabs. -points to a tank full of water with several crabs in it-

Hey Dad, there's a large, extra-dimensional, tentacled-rape beast locked in my room....are you SURE you haven't been dabbling in the black arts?