What if Homestuck Trolls worked at Customer Services?

correctCustomer has connected to carcinoGeneticist!

CG: WHAT DO YOU WANT?
CC: Yeah, my main desktop's screen goes black when I turn it on sometimes.
CC: Any idea how to fix it?
CG: YEAH HANG ON.
CG: LET ME JUST PULL THE SOLUTION OUT OF MY METAPHORICAL NOOK.
CG: HERE YOU GO! DID YOU TRY UNPLUGGING IT AND PLUGGING IT BACK IN?
CC: Oh, uh, no I did not.
CC: Ok I tried it and the screen is black again.
CG: FUCKING WONDERFUL. ARE YOU EVEN PLUGGING IT INTO THE RIGHT SPOT?
CC: Well, the two big wires are pretty unique, they can't plug anywhere else.
CG: WAIT, TWO?
CC: Yes. There's these two big plugs that screw into the back of the computer.
CG: FUCK. EVERYTHING.
CG: YOU MORON, THE SECOND WIRE IS FOR A SECOND MONITOR. IT'S GOING BLACK BECAUSE IT THINKS YOU'RE PLUGGING IN A SECOND FUCKING SCREEN.
CG: WHY THE FUCK DO PEOPLE WHO MESSAGE ME ALWAYS HAVE THE DUMBEST FUCKING COMPLAINTS?
CG: DID I ANGER SOME SORT OF CUSTOMER SERVICE GOD? AM I FOREVER TO BE TORMENTED BY THE DUMBEST OF OUR CUSTOMERS?
CC: Well, excuse the fuck out of me.
CC: I'll be going now.
CG: OH PLEASE, DON'T LET ME HOLD YOU UP!

correctCustomer has disconnected from carcinoGeneticist

CG: WHY THE FUCK DOES OUR SERVICE HAVE TO NAME ALL THE CUSTOMERS AS CORRECT? WHO DECIDED CUSTOMERS ARE ALWAYS RIGHT?

correctCustomer has connected to cuttlefishCuller!

CC: )(----ELLO!
CC: Hello. This is customer service right?
CC: Yep! Go a)(ead and state your problem!
CC: Right. Those names are confusing, but at least we're different colors.
CC: )(-E)(-E
CC: Well anyway. When I turn on my desktop sometimes the screen is black. Any ideas?
CC: Oo)(, that sounds T---ERRIBL-E! Let me see w)(at we can do.
CC: Alrig)(t, )(ow about you go a)(ead and turn the computer off for me ok? T)(en w)(en you turn it back on, tell me w)(at )(appens!
CC: Ok, gotcha.
CC: Alright, so when it turns on, I can hear the sound of it turning on and everything, and I'm even pretty sure that everything's working correctly except the visuals. I can't see the screen at all because it never even comes on. 
CC: Or well, the monitor is on but...
CC: W----ELL! I t)(ink I know youre problem! )(ow is it plugged in?
CC: Uh, both wires are plugged into the computer.
CC: A)(A! You only need ON----E OF THOS---E PLUGS!
CC: Oh, well, cool. That worked!
CC: Thanks a lot.
CC: My pleasure! 38D

correctCustomer has disconnected from cuttlefishCuller!

correctCustomer has connected to grimAuxiliatrix

GA: Well It Is Nice To Speak With You Correct Customer How May I Help You
CC: My computer monitor is black when I turn it on. Any ideas why?
GA: Ah Yes That Does Sound Like A Bad Situation
CC: Uh, yeah it is. 
CC: Are you going to help me or...?
GA: Yes One Moment I Am Contacting My Supervisor For Guidance
GA: Ok He Says To Try Turning It On And Off Again
CC: Yeah I tried that but it keeps coming up black most of the time.
GA: Ok One Moment
CC: You say one moment then you're gone for like five minutes.
GA: Yes Sorry
GA: He Is Very Hard To Deal With Sometimes
GA: But He Knows Far More Than Me
CC: Then can I just speak with him?
GA: Are You Sure
GA: He Is Quite Difficult Sometimes
CC: You know what, yeah, I'm sure.
GA: Well Alright Hang On
TA: mother FUCK.
TA: why am ii the only per2on around here who know2 anythiing about computer2?
TA: whatever. ii don't really care. What do you want?
CC: Well, if you didn't already know, my computer monitor always goes black.
TA: 2ay no more. ii already fiigured out what the problem ii2 whiile you were typiing that becau2e unliike 2OME PEOPLE WHO WORK HERE
TA: ii actually know a thiing or two about what ii'm telliing people.
TA: ii al2o ju2t want you two know that iit'2 flatteriing how you're tryiing to have dualiity liike me with your plug2 but it'2 tiime to giive up the 2htiick.
TA: unplug one and go back to 2olo exii2tence.
CC: Oh, unplug one of the wires. Um, ok.
CC: Oh hey it worked! Thanks I guess.
TA: you're fuckiing welcome 'ii gue22'. 
TA: now fuck off.

correctCustomer has disconnected from grimAuxiliatrix