Hello, peoples. I am going to do something abominably stupid. Anyone ever hear of this guy?

I think he's a tad weird.

With 152 fics to his name, it's clear he kinda likes writing. Not a bad thing, huh? Just wait until you get to the story's actual content. Also, since I'm not pure evil, I won't subject any character to these... things. Instead, I'll take that blow. Shujiko too.

Anyway, as much as I'd like to stall, let's just get this out of the way...

Number One! 10 drabbles in the lives of Yuuki and Shouko


Awesome start.

I didn't mean it.

I thought I was fucking Hideyoshi, not bad a dream by the way.

You meant to fuck someone and got the wrong person? My knowledge of Baka Test might be limited - and will hopefully be fixed soon - but I'm quite sure Hideyoshi's the trap. Hard mistake to make there.

Until I woke up that morning to find her in bed, naked.

At least that erases lingering doubts...? Well, to be on the safe side -checks wikia-

...Oh dear.

I screwed up big time. It wasn't Hideyoshi I fucked, I fucked Shouko instead.

Ah, right.

...Wait, how the hell do you confuse Hideyoshi for Shouko? They aren't even twins!

Based on the blood on my bed, it was probably her first time.

"Screw You Akihisa!"

Screw yourself, Dumbass!


...It's only three sentences, can't be too bad, right?

Graduation came, and I decided to go to Singapore to study, mostly to get away from Shouko.

lolresponsibility

Those guys, especially a baka like Akihisa and girls like Minami and Mizuki, will call me a coward for all I care, it's not like I wanted it anyway.

...Then don't confuse naked males for naked females next time? I know it's hard to tell with Hideyoshi, but uh... LACK OF CLOTHES MAKES IT MUCH EASIER TO TELL WHICH IS WHICH.

At Singapore however, just when I found a cheap place to stay, I heard from Kouta (or Mussolini) that, Shouko is going to Singapore too!

What a tweest!

...Also, Mussolini?


Okay.

I was staying with this man, Xiong, who works at the hawker centre at the void deck at the HDB block where I am staying.

Seriously, if it weren't for my English grades, I would find it difficult to communicate with him, with his half baked Japanese and all.

I saw a really huge sword hanging on the wall near his bed in his bedroom, and all sorts of plastic figures and doujinshis that only otakus would buy. It only makes sense where he gets his money from, being a frugal person and all.

Wait a minute; aren't I getting out of point here?

Probably. I mean, what does this have to do with anything?


Let's see what we get here.

He seemed kind of excited all of a sudden on a common Wednesday.

He told me that, a really cute Japanese girl is coming to his house to stay, that was a daughter of one of his demon hunter colleagues back at Japan.

She is coming this Saturday.

Hold on, Xiong is a Demon hunter? He is kidding me right?

But with that huge sword in his bedroom, that makes sense.

Obviously, I really need to watch this anime. I thought it was about students who summoned avatars to fight for better classrooms. Never noticed demons were in it.


It was Saturday, but I had to do a project with some of my new classmates at school. I got home at about 9 p.m., just a few steps away to my apartment however, I saw her!

"What the hell is Shouko doing here?"

Tried to run, but bumped into Xiong, he called to Shouko as if he knew her, wait, he did know her.

"Great, I am so fucking screwed."

I have no frickin' idea what is going on right now. Is this guy back home or what? I can't even remember who the character is!


Wasn't this supposed to be a comedy? I've only seen like, two or three episodes, but "I'LL NEVER BE YOUR DOUGHNUT!" Kind of indicated it was supposed to provide a chuckle.

I did not know what to expect, Shouko and I are now staying in the same apartment and sitting on the same sofa, with her clinging on to me.

She held onto my right arm with a grip so tight, that I can feel my arm losing blood.

Shouko's the silent one that was friend's with Class F's president, right? Didn't know she was that clingy for the main character. Or willing to sleep with him.

I think I felt a bump somewhere near Shouko's waist.

Xiong then told me the reason why Shouko came here.

Drama bomb incoming!

"My friends, her parents are killed by a dangerous demon back at Japan, to make sure that the demon did not get to her, they had her sent to Singapore, under my care, as you know, Singapore customs officers can be strict, but they could never detect a demon, let alone outfight it."

...They... sent Shouko to a place where people... can't protect themselves from demons. To protect her from demons.

I really didn't care about the whole demon thing, but seriously, her parents killed? Shouko sure has some whacked family.

Wow, didn't know that Yuuji was such a massive, insensitive prick.

There is also something about Shouko I need to ask Xiong.

"Is she pregnant?"

After a few seconds of silence, he fainted.

Oh come on, he never said she definitely was!


Later that night, I tried to ask Shouko the same question, where I noticed that she changed, she turned timid, and a little autistic, the Shouko I know would be more violent, after all, I did sleep with her and left her alone afterwards. Right now, she didn't even say a word ever since she arrived.

...

...

...

She... turned autistic.

I figured that, if she really is pregnant, then she would be carrying my child, I was the one who took her chastity anyway.

I thought you ran away to Singapore because she was carrying your child? That's definitely how it sounded. Are these broken paragraph's been jumbled up or something?

Suddenly I felt something drop on my hand, something wet, and I saw tears started flowing out of her eyes.

"It's okay Shouko, I will never leave you and our child, I swear that something bad will happen to me if I were leave before you." I calmly said as I held her in my arms, and let her cry all she wanted.

I repeat, you tried to run away from being a father.

I didn't know what came over me.

Was it sympathy?

Was it guilt?

Or was it love?

I'm gonna take a stab at 'inconsistent yet consistently incorrect characterisation'.


You know, as bad as this fic is, it's not as psychology damaging as his later stuff. I wonder when these stories make that leap... and if I'll survive the jump.

Anyway, UMA?

On Sunday morning, I was woken up by Shouko, who cheered up a bit and it seemed that her smile came back.

"Good Morning Yuuji, here is your breakfast." She said, offering me the local Singaporean breakfast, a pair of deep fried doughsticks called "Youtiao" and soy bean milk, all properly served on a tray.

Series' tsundere turned pregnant, sweet housewife. Mm-hm.

As I ate, Shouko asked me whether there is anymore she can do, accepting her offer (after all I said and done, I found out that I could never refuse her anymore.) I asked her to switch on the TV (I slept with her at the living room yesterday.), the news are on TV, with English subtitles.

"I've treated you so badly in the past, Shouko. To make up for this, do every single thing I tell you to do!"

Shouko and I as well as Xiong, who came out of the toilet, were horrified at the sight on the TV.

"Tokyo was attacked by a ferocious, giant UMA (Unidentified Mysterious Animal), Japan used everything she had to fight the monster, and the entire Kanto region was also attacked by a large army of what it appears to be zombies, presumed to be summoned by the UMA..."

No, seriously, what part of 'idiots who summon chibi avatar people' gives leeway too 'parental angst and demon attacks'?

For a minute, I thought that, whatever Xiong said about demons, is true.

You mean there's still room for doubt even after it's reported in the god damn news?

I really am getting out of point here!

Of the series' tone? I'm inclined to agree.


Out of fear and concern for the others, especially Akihisa, I had to get them here with us, that is, if they are still alive.

Look who suddenly gives a shit about what's happening!

I received an email from Akihisa and he is coming here with Minami and Mizuki, now part of his harem.

That lucky son of a bitch! He nailed 2 girls at once! Not bad for a baka!

Hey! Wasn't this about us?

How the hell should I know?


First came Akihisa, Minami and Mizuki, then came Hideyoshi and Yuuko, then finally came Mussolini.

I'm... going to assume Mussolini is a nickname.

All of a sudden, all of us are all staying at Xiong's apartment, until it is safe to return to Japan.

Thank goodness he has spare mattresses.

Now if only there was space in the apartment!

Even though it was noisy, but at least every one is here safe and sound, Shouko's tummy is getting bigger and we had a lot of fun guessing the gender and naming the child. I took Shouko to her check up yesterday and it turns out, she is carrying twins! Finally, we are getting married this weekend as well! Talk about total happiness! I must be on a lucky streak or something.

I hope that the UMA will not come here this weekend.

Cliffhanger? Please no.

Welp, that was... bland as hell. Even if I had watched or read the series, I don't think I would've followed that too well. Still, at least it isn't the worst thing I've read.

...Still 151 more of these to go, though. Guess I'll read one more... 5 ultimate steps to get married instantly.

5 ultimate steps to get married instantly! (these steps work with harems and same sex as well.)

Sounds legit, I guess.

Hello there dear customers, I sincerely thank all of you for purchasing this book, in this book, I wrote down the necessary ingredients to hook up with the one you love; the potential of this book is even sufficient enough for you to get yourself a harem, so without further ado, let's begin our 5 simple steps to totally dominate your love.

Though I imagine official books aren't so abusive to the poor little comma.


This is the simple love letter template that you should use to impress your target! But it works on the occasion that you must sign off as "your secret admirer" otherwise it will not work, you will understand why after reading this template.

Hm, I see... well, let's take a look then!

"To Mr./Ms name of girl/boy, I hope this finds you well, by the time you receive this letter, I will probably be celebrating right now for being able to pick up the courage to write and put this in your table/locker/shoe closet/mailbox, my nature is rather shy and timid, for the first time I set my eyes on you, insert any romantic, but not too mushy descriptions here, even if you reject my feelings for you, I will still be glad that I have told you about this, the three simple words that I could only say until now. I love you."

Ah, of course! With this template, my letters will radiate with pure love! And not signing my name shall increase my chances! Thank you, Book!

See what I mean? If you sign this letter off with your name, you would only, at a certain 80% of the chance, give the recipient the impression that, "This penmanship is too good to be true, of course it can't possibly be written by this baka!" sheesh.

The knowledge this book possesses is amazing! I can bed the woman of my desires easily with this! So, what are the other steps?!


Of course!

Disclaimer - these four steps must be done in the same day, which means in 24 hours, no mistakes.

So I must focus all my efforts here...

Ahh, love cookies, the typical gift you give to your love/target, this recipe will sure guarantee you the ticket to a very happy, instant wedding if you follow this.

And here I thought it was chocolate! Thank you for correcting me! Now, the ingredients?

Flour, depending on how many cookies you are making.

Sugar, depending on how sweet you want it.

Butter

Simplicity itself! What else?

And here comes the main ingredient *drum roll* - roofies! (Just get them from any shady guy in sunglasses and slippers, especially the jobless bum in your local bar.)

VERY WE-

...

...Um, huh?

Procedures

Any cookie recipes work, just ground the roofies to a powder and use the sugar to cover the taste.

When you are finished, just pass the cookies to him/her and make sure he/she finishes all the cookies, then he/she will obviously be knocked out, and here comes the fun part hehe.

...H-how is this helping...?


...

You will find yourself stuck in the situation where you will knock out the recipient of your roofie cookies (that's what they are for remember?) then time for your next step, first, you take your partner to the local love hotel, where you strip both your partner and yourself, and then take some nude photos of the both of you in bed, the fun part is, you get to do any good things with him/her!

This isn't what I expected upon purchase.


Your lover will definitely wake up to find himself/herself naked and lying on the bed with you, that is where you tell your love that, the both of you made love to each other, and he/she is a total animal throughout the entire session. You must put his/her memory loss as this reason – because he/she fucked so hard, that he/she is extremely tired, in fact, he/she is so tired, that she fell and knocked himself/herself too hard on the head.

...Not the kind of confession I was hoping for. Then again, I myself wouldn't confess.

Because I wouldn't drug someone and rape them while they were unconscious.

You wouldn't want your love to find out that you fed him/her roofies now, right?

I wouldn't want to feed them roofies to begin with, you sick, freaky guide!

Besides, don't forget to tell him/her that he/she proposed to you before the both of you had sex.

Don't forget to turn yourself into the police beforehand, either.


The final step; the only simple step, go register the both of you for marriage!

...

GET YOURSELF A COPY NOW!

FUCK FUCKING NO.


Because no doubt you chained this person to a radiator or something!


She one of those singers who specialise in droning on and on about their depressing home life and how their significant other threatens to leave constantly?


I fear this book is a prime weapon for serial rapists.


...Are you reviewing a book you don't have and haven't read? Oh whatever, STAY THE HELL AWAY FROM IT!

Well, that was disgusting. No sings of a dragon fetish yet, but I think advocating rape and mangling a series' tone is enough torture for today.

Have fun dreading updates!